I don't get to the computer that's online for as long as I like, so I decided to do a little diary on my computer and then transfer it over when I have a chance. Below is what I wrote a couple of days ago.

10/11/10
Workout:  Today I did the first workout on Core Synergistics.  What a tiring workout.  Over the last couple of years, off and on, I've been doing some yoga and some walking. Currently my regular practice is Laingong plus isometrics.  Those last two helped with the X Stretch and the Arms and Shoulders workout, but not Core Synergistics.  The P09X workouts are serious.  I can see why my skin is now a bit saggy and my muscles tighten easily.  I did only a part of each exercise the best I could but tired easily. I know I will build up to it.  How? Because when I used to run, I quickly built up to running more and walking less; that was only at the beginning of this year. 

Tomorrow: Kenpo

Spiritual: I'm up to 20 minutes of meditation right now.  I first sit and consciously relax my whole body.  Then I concentrate on my breath.  I notice that my breath is now shallower than when I started and there's a short rest time between. 

The class on wise effort taught me there are four things to notice:
the presence in the mind of wholesome states, cultivate them,
the absence in the mind of wholesome states, cultivate them,
the presence in the mind of unwholesome states, eliminate them,
the absence in the mind of unwholesome states, determine to keep them out.

In order to do this, one must always be aware of what one is thinking, to make moment to moment choices in what we are contemplating.

Wholesome states:
peacefulness,
benevolence,
patience,
tolerance,
compassion,
empathic joy

Unwholesome states:
anger,
lust,
jealousy,
envy,
resentment,
bitterness.

Emotional healing: So how does this help me emotionally? How do keep my unwholesome states at bay?  Well, the following is what has worked for me:

1. look to see what my part is in the situation.  If I have to, I ask God to help me see the situation clearly and how I could have contributed to the problem or how I could have allowed the problem to grow.  Also, to ask for God's help.  If you don't believe in God, then whatever higher power you have will work.

2. I talk to someone who I trust to get a clearer view. Sometimes just talking about it helps me see the situation clearer without all the emotions attached. In this way I can look at what needs of mine were not being met and what needs the other person was trying to meet.

3. Make amends where I was at fault. I did this recently with someone who I saw as insensitive.  The truth is, I was feeling sad about my situation. Plus, I know how she likes to joke and I also know she has a big heart.  So, I apologized for my reaction to her 'joke.'  She in turn apologized for her 'joke' and informed me of her intention which was really kind.  She just did it a way that didn't come across well.

Revvell suggests to write everything; all your feelings, all your thoughts, whatever comes to your mind.  This is also a good way to vent out feelings. By the end of the writing which could be 3 or 4 pages, emotions move out of the way for discernment and solutions.

I'm sure there are many other ways to help rid unwholesome thoughts. What do you do?  I would love to hear and learn from you, too. 


***
10/12/10
Kenpo:  What a workout!  This was my first time to do it. I had to watch the DVD well before  attempting some of the movements. I still got confused and had to concentrate really hard on what I was doing to get it right.  Since I don't run anymore, I tired easily.  That's OK.  I figure in a couple of weeks I'll tire less and less which will enable me to complete all the reps.  One item they all wore was a heart rate monitor.  I don't own one. I'm debating whether or not to get one.  I may look into it.

Tomorrow: Day off from working out.

Thursday: Ab Ripper.  And I'm still sore from the Core Synergistics workout.  Hope I'll be able to move tomorrow.

Meditation: I really would like to get a more gentle timer. I jump every time it goes off.  Twenty minutes today.  I drifted here and there, but always gently bringing myself back to my breath. Like yesterday, I gazed at the gentle bright lights I saw behind my eyelids.

Emotional health: Still thinking about the 5 hinderances: lust, aversion,  torpor, restlessness, doubt.  I looked the words up in the Thesaurus on  my computer to get a better understanding of their meaning so I could be better aware of when they popped up. What I understand, is when one of them arises, just stay with it gently like I would the breath and relax; then let it go.  I had the opportunity to practice that last night.  What I did was first walk around the house ranting in my head, going through all the tools I've collected over the last five years, finally ending on just noticing the emotion with detachment. When I released it I felt calmer, nevertheless I had a headache the rest of the night.

F A I T H = Finding Answers In The Heart.

The Seven T's -- Take Time To Think The Thing Through.

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